


Monopolystuck

by Scripturience



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Humanstuck, M/M, Meowrails, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-15
Updated: 2014-03-15
Packaged: 2018-01-15 18:55:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1315624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scripturience/pseuds/Scripturience
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Saturday night, so what else would Gamzee and Tavros be doing other than heading over to Karkat's place for their weekly board game night? What they didn't expect, however, was Nepeta and Equius to make a grave mistake, and reveal Karkat's dark past in the cutthroat world of professional monopoly. Will anyone survive the evening?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Monopolystuck

**Author's Note:**

> So this was originally going to be part of [PB & J Prompts](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1201651/chapters/2452648), but I got carried away and it outgrew its intended length. I had so much fun writing this, so I didn't want to cut it short or get rid of it. So instead I'm posting it like this. 
> 
> The original prompt sent in by igobyjoe is: "Gamzee, Tavros, Equius, and Nepeta play a rousing game of Monopoly. Karkat was not allowed to play, so he watches and tries to give everyone advice."

It was your average Saturday night. So naturally, being one of the coolest couples around, Gamzee and Tavros were going out. Yes, they were hitting the town for an exciting and fast paced evening of board games at Karkat’s place. Gamzee could hardly contain his excitement as they approached their destination.

When the annoyed redhead finally opened the door, he was only mildly surprised to find Gamzee lunging forward to squeeze the life out of him.

“Missed you so much, bro!” Gamzee said to his struggling captive.

“You were just here last week you- AH” Karkat let out a choked gasp “Alright, alright I get it! Just fucking let me go already.”

When their aggravated host was finally released, he showed them inside. “Make yourselves at home, or whatever. You know the drill,” Karkat said with a dismissive wave.

Gamzee and Tavros walked over into the kitchen. They set the bagged refreshments they were tasked with bringing on the counter. The latter of the two internally hoped Karkat wouldn’t be too upset about all the Faygo this time. Though he should have known better than to ask Gamzee to bring drinks and snacks.

When they were finished, the pair waited on the couch. It wasn’t long before another knock on the door was heard.

“I got it,” Karkat called out from whatever room he had gone off to.

He made his way to the door and opened it to reveal Equius and Nepeta. After giving them the same lukewarm greeting, everyone gathered around the coffee table while Karkat went to fetch Sollux.

“Tho, what game are we doing?” Sollux asked as he walked into the living room, Karkat in tow.

“Meownopawly!” Nepeta answered, excitedly holding up the box.

A look of indescribable horror fell onto the Gemini’s face. But before he could say anything, Karkat stepped forward.

“….Monopoly?” He repeated.

“Yup! That’s right!” She affirmed “Equius has the classic version!”

Karkat immediately went over to Nepeta and began examining the box with child-like wonderment.

Out of the corner of his eye, Tavros could see Sollux frantically shaking his head. He was moving his hand back and forth in front of his neck and repeatedly mouthing the word “No,” if Tavros wasn’t mistaken, anyway.

“Uh…are you alright, Sollux?” He asked, concerned.

At this Karkat immediately turned around and shot his boyfriend an icy glare, causing him to cease his miming.

“Hey uh, why don’t we try a different game KK?” He asked with a nervous smile “We’ve got Thorry in the closet.”

“Say, Sollux?” Karkat began “Didn’t you have a program you needed to finish?”

“KK, I-.“

“No, no. It’s alright.” Karkat quickly cut him off “We all understand that you’re busy. Besides, this game doesn’t work well with too many people. I’m not going to play either.”

“KK I really think that we shouldn’t-“

“I said go!” Karkat snapped, breaking his feigned kindness.

With a sigh, Sollux turned to leave, muttering a faint “athhole” under his breath.

“Now then,” Karkat said, turning back the group “Are you fucks ready to play?”

* * *

 

It wasn’t until after opening the box and actually starting the game, that everyone would learn of Karkat’s extensive history with Monopoly. He was the former undefeated state-wide monopoly champion for 5 years. He only “retired” because his older brother and father forced him to. And now, his friends were learning why they did firsthand.

“Oh wow, that uh, that costs a lot of money….I think I’ll pass. It’s your turn, Gamzee.” Tavros said, handing him the dice.

Karkat let out a frustrated groan, followed by a dramatic face palm. “Do you even realize what you just did, you fucking incompetent dumb ass?!”

Tavros could only reply with a questioning “Umm?”

“I’ll spell it out for you, since you’re fucking clueless. You just gave up the best property in the game when your stupid ass was lucky enough to land on it on your second pass around the damn board!”

“Oh…” Tavros replied dejectedly. “Well, it’s not like people land on it that often anyway.” He said defensively.

In the middle of their banter, Gamzee had already rolled the dice and began his turn. When his thimble made its way across the board to land on Park Place, Tavros did his best to avoid the glare Karkat gave him.

“So Gamzee,” Nepeta, their banker, began “Will you be purrchasing this purroperty?”

“Sure thing, sis,” He answered, handing over the fake funds in exchange for a deed card.

“Yeah great,” Karkat rolled his eyes “Now will you end your damn turn already so we can get on with our lives?!”

“Nah bro,” Gamzee waved him off “First this motherfucker would like to get his trade on.”

“Oh, a trade!” Nepeta repeated excitedly. She was enjoying her role as baker a little too much. “Who will you be trading with today, Gamzee?”

“I think I’d like to trade with this cute motherfucker over here,” Gamzee said, slinging an arm around Tavros’s shoulder, eliciting gagging sounds from Karkat.

“So um,” Tavros said, clearing his throat “What do you want to trade?”

“Hmmm…” Gamzee scanned over Tavros’s deed pile. “I think I’ll take this one,” he said reaching for a brown card “And you can have this.” He said after handing his boyfriend the freshly purchased Park Place.

“Oh, well alright, I guess,” Tavros shrugged, accepting the deal.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” Karkat nearly shrieked, half rising out of his chair.

“There a problem, Karbro?” Gamzee asked idly.

“You bet your ass there is!” He snapped back. “Did you really just give him fucking _Park Place_ for _Baltic Avenue?!_ ”

After looking back at the traded deed cards, Gamzee nonchalantly replied with “Yup.”

“Yup?” Karkat repeated in disbelief. “ _Yup?!_ Do you even realize what you just did you halfwit?!”

“Not really-“

“You just practically fucking gave away what I already described to you morons as the best property in the damn game for the _worst_ one! Are you braindead?! Wait, I already know the fucking answer to that question!” Karkat ended his tirade with a huff, falling back into his armchair. Nepeta and Equius exchanged sideways glances, and Tavros rubbed at his arm nervously. Gamzee didn’t seem fazed.

What had they gotten themselves into?

* * *

 

After several more awkward rounds, the group tried and failed multiple times to calm Karkat down. It appeared that his monopoly fueled rage could not be stopped. In the middle of the game, Sollux crept out of his ‘computer cave.’ The Gemini walked around the table to Karkat and draped his arms over the shorter man’s shoulders.

“What is it, bumblefuck?” Karkat grumbled.

“Why don’t you take a break from thith? You’re not even playing,” Sollux asked, attempting to rub at his shoulders.

“I’m busy.”

“C’mon KK, I-“

“I said I’m busy!” Karkat gave his boyfriend a shove. Not knowing his own monopoly driven strength, the programmer stumbled backwards and landed with a hard thud, much to the shock of everyone else in the room.

“Ah, fuck!” He groaned from the floor.

“Uh…Karkat,” Tavros began cautiously “Is he alright?”

“He’s fine. Keep playing.” He answered, waving off their concerns.

“I think I have a concuthion….” Sollux said, pulling himself to his feet.

“Put ice on it or some shit! I told you, we’re busy!” Karkat snapped.

Sollux retreated back to the safety of the room he came from, grumbling “fucking monopoly,” under his breath.

“Alright,” Nepeta said, trying to break the awkward tension “It’s your turn now, Equius!”

“Right…” He murmured, taking the dice from her. After rolling an 8, he maneuvered his shoe over to land on the last open yellow space. “I think I will pass on this one. “

“What are you doing?!” Karkat shouted, which was promptly followed by a collective sigh.

“I do not require such an inferior property. My advantage is already strongly secured,” he responded flatly.

“As if!” Karkat bit back “Nitram already has Atlantic and Ventnor! Are you just gonna hand him a monopoly that easily?! Who are you, Gamzee?!”

“I….” Equius began nervously.

“Equius!” Nepeta placed a firm hand on his shoulder. “You weren’t going to buy it, so don’t!”

“Oh, you _want_ him to lose?” Karkat scoffed “Some friend you are.”

“Oh my….” Equius tugged at his shirt collar.

“Don’t you dare listen to him Equius!”

“For fucks sake buy it!”

“I think I need a moment….” The large man panted, flushed.

“Sollux!” Karkat yelled, turning his head towards the other room “Bring our guest a towel!”

His voice called back “But you just thaid-“

“Ugh fine, fuck it.” Karkat conceded, rising to his feet. “I’ll be right back.”

When he finally left the room, everyone shuffled awkwardly in their seats.

“I don’t wanna play anymore, Gamzee…” Tavros said almost pleadingly. His boyfriend took his hand consolingly.

“Come on guys,” Nepeta sighed “We just have to make it a few more rounds. He can’t keep this up furever!”

She didn't know just how wrong she was.

* * *

 

For the next few rounds their game continued as normal. Gamzee essentially handed things over to Tavros, giving him a strong lead. Karkat would find something to chastise them for literally every turn. Things remained relatively stable, however. That was, until Nepeta’s cat (which was the dog piece that she forced everyone to call a cat) landed upon the waterworks.

“Hmmm,” she fumbled with her piece pensively “I dunno. I don’t think I need this.”

“Oh my god,” Karkat groaned, exasperated. “Do you fucks plan to buy _anything?_ ”

“Fine!” Nepeta answered sharply, “Why don’t we have pawction?”

“Oh now we’re talking!” He said excitedly, practically jumping out of his chair to sit closer to the board in front of the coffee table. 

Equius started the bidding with the strong price of $200. Gamzee added $50, not really paying attention to what was going on.

“Well,,” Tavros mumbled when it came to his turn “I think I’ll pass….I don’t really need it, and-“

“Like fuck he will!” Karkat cut him off “Put $20 on for this sadsack!”

“But Karcat, you aren’t even playing with us!” Nepeta reprimanded.

“I said do it!”

“Karcat,” Nepeta sighed, and then said the words no one else in that apartment had the courage to. “You need to calm down. It’s just a game!”

“Just a game?!” He all but screamed back at her. “That’s what everyone says. Oh sure, it’s just a game. Just a fucking game when you’re on top of the world! When you’re the champion!” He stood up, voice raising. “And you know what they tell you after you spend 5 years of your life on this shit?! ‘It’s just a game Karkat! You need to calm down! You lose your temper!’”

In the middle of his rant, Gamzee and Tavros began covertly slipping away towards the door, thankful that they didn’t bring anything worth making a run for.

“You know what I think?!” Karkat continued “You’re all just fucking jealous! You and my idiot brother!”

Nepeta and Equius inconspicuously began to pile the game back into the box, piece by piece.

“’Oh, Karkat!’” He began in his best Kankri impression “’Father and I think it’s time you stopped! Your behavior over this children’s board game is quite triggering!’ Well what do they know?!”

“What do any of you fucks know?!” Karkat shouted, turning around to find his living room empty.

As he stood there, wide eyed and panting for breath after his ranting, Sollux walked out of his computer room once more.

“They’re all gone…” Karkat’s voice was filled with a mixture of surprise, anger, and disappointment.

“It’th late,” Sollux said pressing a kiss to his cheek, which Karkat rubbed at irritably. “Let’th get to bed, yeah?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Karkat sighed, exasperated.

Sollux followed his grumpy lover back to the bedroom, grateful that the nightmare was finally over. He never wanted to see another copy of monopoly ever again. And now that their friends learned about Karkat’s ‘problem’ the hard way, hopefully he’d never have to.

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah, that happened. I'm sorry if I totally fucked up Sollux's lisp. And yes, I know Karkat is a crazy bitch in this. I tagged it as such, didn't I?
> 
> Anyways I hope you all managed to enjoy this! ....Somehow.


End file.
